What Should You Do When You’ve Married The Wrong Person?

What Should You Do When You’ve Married The Wrong Person?

Expectations.

They get us every time! We are given these incredible imaginations that love to run wild. One of the things we imagine from a young age is our future spouse. For me, I had imagined a man who showered me with verbal affection. He wouldn’t say or do any of the “wrong things,” and he’d be 100% available whenever his family needed him. We would travel the world together and he would want to be a stay-at-home dad while I built a career. There wouldn’t be a lot of grace in our marriage because we wouldn’t need it!

This was my right person.

My husband had made a list of what he wanted in a wife before he met me. She would cook him homemade meals like his mama did and pamper him after he got off work. Together, they would flip old, outdated homes and give them a second chance. In the evenings, you would expect to find her out in the garden getting her hands dirty alongside him.

This was his right person.

You might have guessed by now that my husband didn’t meet my expectations, and I was far from meeting his. So according to that, we married the wrong people.

Photo credit: Marion Fayolle

We figured this out early on when we felt disappointed by each other’s complexities.

Marriage is hard. Two beings are put together who barely know or love themselves and are expected to know and love each other. Not only that, but we morph and change over time as we experience life. The people we were at the beginning of our marriage are very different than who we are now. It’s like falling in love with the same shell but different insides every couple of years — sometimes we like the changes and other times we miss the old version.

No matter what, we have to expect to marry the wrong person because the right person doesn’t exist. When we first discover this, we feel defeated or misled, so we want to walk away. We did it wrong this time, but there’s still a chance he/she is out there, right?

Instead of walking away from your marriage, I challenge you to walk away from your expectations. Sure, there are some expectations that shouldn’t be compromised (hint: your wedding vows), but there are many assumptions that we need to let go.

Of course, we want to go into a marriage feeling hopeful, and we have every right to share our expectations with one another. But marriage is about outserving each other. It’s about working hard making compromises instead of working hard to change each other.

We say we seek happiness, but I want to say it goes deeper than that…we want acceptance. We want to know that even if we don’t ever change the little annoying, imperfect things about ourselves, we will be loved.

God has never told us there is a “right person” for everyone. Instead, He tells us how to love the one we choose.

Tell me in the comments, how do you want to better love YOUR “wrong person?” 

downsupsteacups

Amanda is a wife, mother, writer/editor, and certified life coach. Pen and paper make her spirit come alive. She spends her creative time reading, decorating, and handwriting fonts. Her world is better with an assortment of chocolate and a packed bag ready for travel. She works each day to be a creative maker, storyteller, and dream-chaser.


4 thoughts on “What Should You Do When You’ve Married The Wrong Person?”

  • First off-I love this. My coworkers and I were just discussing this the other day. We talked about our “types” and how neither of us were currently with our type but rather with people who “get us” but honestly even that is a stretch. To me true love came when I found someone that I could spend every day getting to know better and I looked forward to learning and growing with even after we years together.

    • YES! David and I are not with our “type” either but it’s been a better love than I’ve ever had with anyone who was “my type.” So true!!

  • This was fantastic. My husband and I realised this change had to happen before we got engaged; it was a lose the expectations or break up situation, and communicate for goodness’ sake! We had a big few months sorting out a few things that occurred because of our expectations of each other, but I’m glad we did – it made a massive difference in our relationship and the way we speak to each other. We definitely don’t have many interests in common, but our values are the same and that was very important in making our decision to make it work and not give up. 🙂

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