Internal Exploration

Internal Exploration

In a world that keeps us on our toes, our eyes on our phones, and our schedules and calendars full, it is easy to neglect that little feeling in our gut and spend time on our internal exploration. It often starts as a planted seed. We sense a little discomfort, swivel around bending this way and that to shift the feelings inside further and further down so they don’t quite reach our heart. We want to keep the seed’s impact small and unnoticeable. There isn’t time for exploration.

Humanity is meant to feel. Research, media, and experience are great tools to use, but human intuition and feelings seem to be lost in their midst. We may acknowledge our inner knowing, but too often we don’t take time for a closer look.

I remember a recent time I felt a tugging in my core. My husband and I were sitting on our red couch in our second-floor apartment holding a tattered envelope with the faded word “Europe” written on the front. We had saved our money to take a trip and were eager to fulfill our desire for travel. As I sat there this time, I had this aching that I couldn’t go through with the trip. I knew the money should be used toward growing our family. David had reasons of his own, but soon ”Europe” was scribbled out and “Adoption Funds” took its place.

Another time I had an internal tug was when we put our house on the market. I was unsure about many things at that point. We had no house set in place to move into, nor did we know where we wanted to move. But I knew our house needed to be on the market in that moment, so we put the FOR SALE sign in the tall grass. We wouldn’t realize until later that the discovery of our dream home was right around the corner.

There have been additional times where my instinct outweighed the perceived easier decision, but those times are few and far between. Right now I am battling my inner emotions as I grasp for clarity. I feel burdened for the world around me. It is easier to push these feelings down and distract my mind with other things than it is to try to figure out what role I can play in response to the battle I feel. A seed has been planted. If I were to take a magnifying glass and look at the burdens more closely, I might soon experience the clarity I need. But the world holds me back.

Why is it we have trouble following our hearts? Why are we too scared to let our spirit help inform our decisions? We choose to weed out the seed of our intuition instead of watering it to promote new growth. We set aside the magnifying glass and pick up our day planners instead. It takes courage to go against the grain and trust our insides. What inner truths need more exploration in your life?  What seed can you water today?


Amanda is a wife, mother, writer/editor, and certified life coach. Pen and paper make her spirit come alive. She spends her creative time reading, decorating, and handwriting fonts. Her world is better with an assortment of chocolate and a packed bag ready for travel. She works each day to be a creative maker, storyteller, and dream-chaser.

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